Sunday, April 25, 2010
I think I've come to understand this more fully since my baby boy was born.
It wasn't long after I came home from the hospital with our new baby that my feelings toward my firstborn seemed to change, not in a bad way, just in a different way that I wasn't expecting. From the day she was born, that little girl was my baby. She was my world. And now suddenly, I had two. And she wasn't my baby anymore. She had a new role - the big sister, my big girl, my helper. And our little boy took the place of being my baby.
This new idea was really hard for me to swallow. Even though my thoughts were never explained to my daughter, she wouldn't understand anyway, I felt like I was abandoning her, like I was a bad mom because I felt this way. And I was sad that she wasn't going to be my baby anymore because I had a new baby.
As the days have rolled on, I've gotten used to this idea, and I still love my little girl as much as ever. And even though we can keep our relationship the same in a lot of ways, it is also different in a lot of ways too. We are going through the process together and learning side-by-side.
I guess this makes me think of my own relationship with my mom because I'm her baby. And I think maybe I understand a little bit why our relationship seems to be so special. I know a mother's heart grows and expands with each child, but I think the placement (and personality) of each child in the family yields for a different type of relationship with their mother (or father) too. No relationship is better than the other, but they're all different because of the role each child plays in the family.
I look forward to the relationships I can create with my own children and hope the foundation I've started with my daughter will keep us close throughout all her life even if she isn't my baby anymore.