2010 Book #5: Behind Every Good Man

I finished another book tonight, Behind Every Good Man by John Bytheway. I was going to wait until tomorrow to start it, since I'll be working all week but decided to read just a few pages, and since it wasn't too long I just kept with it - kinda reminded me of Dr. Laura's book I read earlier but with a gospel perspective.

I love reading books like this that help me learn how to be a better wife and treat my husband like that man he deserves to be treated. I know I have a long ways to go so it's always great to hear more advice and have some reminders.

I know being pregnant makes me more grumpy and easily irritated (still, no excuse) so it's especially helpful to read motivating books like this now. John Bytheway emphasizes the importance of having the Spirit in our marriages because you can't have contention when the Spirit is around, and it's contention that ruins marriages, whether through nagging or fault-finding, whatever it be.


I added some quotes below of some of the main points mentioned that I don't want to forget:

"Rarely is anyone criticized into change."

"One of the remarkable qualities about God's love for us is that not only do we experience it as validating and affirming, but is also produces growth and change in us. It literally moves us forward, toward Him and our own eventual exaltation. It is a sculpting, correcting and purposeful kind of love." -Virginia H. Pearce

"The Lord's solution to our marital problems seems to be this: If we can build the "love of God" into our hearts, there will be no contention or arguing between married partners or between family members. Such contention would be too petty, too inconsequential, given our eternal possibilities. Such a perspective or vision would allow us to establish Zion in our homes, wards, and stakes and to extend righteousness into the entire community." -Dr. Douglas E. Brinley

The first three words of both of the two most important commandments are "Thou shalt love." . . . The love of God and the spirit of contention cannot coexist. If we truly desire change and growth for ourselves and our spouses, then in our homes, and in our own marriages, we can begin every single day by asking ourselves, "What can I do today to bring the Spirit of the Lord and the love of God into my home and into my marriage?"

...a man who knows he has the love of his wife today, in spite of his weaknesses, wants to become better for her tomorrow.

Talk to your husband about being a leader in the home, and your expectations...

Men look for exits...

"Nothing is particularly difficult if you divide it into small jobs." -Henry Ford

Make your requests with a built-in exit strategy, they'll be more effective.

"When a woman criticizes a man, whether she does it deliberately or not, she makes it impossible for him to feel connected to her. Where there is a withdrawn or silent man, there is usually a critical woman." -Patricia Love and Steven Stosny

Are the messages I send my husband every day building him up or tearing him down?

...every time a wife questions her husband's decisions, she is essentially asking for her husband's resignation..

The Golden Rule - our marriage should be the first place we implement these things, not the last.

"[Pride] is manifest in so man ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might life another, and being unforgiving and jealous." -President Ezra Taft Benson

Every day brings new problems, but I can still choose to be delightful. Anyone can choose to be delightful.

"I know it is hard for you young mothers to believe that almost before you can turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with your husband. You had better be sure you are developing the kind of love and friendship that will be delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from you attitude that he is important. Encourage him. Be kind. It is a rough would, and he, like everyone else is fighting to survive. Be cheerful. Don't be a whiner." -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

"Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be." -Goethe

"Search diligently, pray always and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." -D&C 90:25